The end of the road.

So this is it! My last email! And I can't believe how fast the time has gone! This past week, we have been so busy with packing, preparing, and saying goodbye

that it seems like the time has gone by in the blink of an eye and now, I'm not sure whether to feel happy to see my family again . . .

. . . or sad to leave behind the good life and joy of being a missionary. 

Safe to say, I think that the plane-ride home is definitely going to tear my heart in two.

In my short 18 months here, I have seen miracle after miracle,

cried a lot, felt so joyous I thought I would explode,

 and been so tired that I don't know how I even managed to put one foot in front of the other. 

But through it all, thick and thin, this last year-and-a-half has officially been the fastest of my life and I am sad that it is over! No more corny Filipino jokes, 

no more all-you-can-eat rice or delicious  Filipino food, 

   And no more walking in the blazing sun one moment and pouring rain the next, or using your umbrella as a shield to protect yourself from all the crazy street dogs! (Well... maybe I won't miss THAT so much!)  Speaking of which, my family will be so impressed by my new founded self defense skills . . . 

 I remember sitting in bed last night before going to sleep and just thinking "where has the time gone?" At the start of my mission, I remember just praying that the time would go by fast (because if the time is fast, it means your happy and having a good time) but now I'm just thinking: "that was dumb. I should have prayed for a LONG mission, so I could enjoy my time here for a little while longer." And as I said my nightly prayers, I couldn't help but break down a little bit in tears as I thought about how much I will miss the Philippines.

As I was finishing packing my clothes and hanging my wet laundry for the last time, I thought about all the times on the mission where I felt I couldn't go on, where I felt just about to collapse but the finish line still seemed so far away!

 As I was having that moment, I think I had one of those sacred and rare opportunities where your love for and understanding of the Savior increases just a smudge as I remembered that He, more than anyone, knows what I am feeling. Because He, more than anyone, knows what it feels like to seem so far from the finish and feel like you can't go on.

I imagined His suffering in Gethsemane and how each excruciating second must have felt like an eternity as He atoned for the sins of the world. But He overcame! And so I know I can too!

After crying last night because I was so sad about all the goodbyes, I finished my prayer when suddenly a warm feeling washed over me and flooded my whole being. Suddenly, memories of my family (especially my mom) and their big smiles flashed through my mind and I felt at peace. 

The grief went away as I realized that what I am facing now is not a complete tragedy. It is a good thing! And even though I am going home now, I will still see all the people I have grown to know and love here again!

 

For as it says in the scriptures "And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!" D&C 18:15

I think that the main reason that I can leave at peace

and happy 

 with the work I have done

is because through it all, I know I have given my very best 

in being a servant of the Lord. 

Sure, I still made A LOT of mistakes

 and there are SOOO many things I still need to improve,

 but I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for the confirming witness He has given me time and time again that my offering is acceptable before the Lord.

 And I am happy to say that my last full week as a full-time missionary of the Lord was not without its miracles.

Like last Saturday, when after the baptism of Jaina and Joy (which I was so blessed to be a part of) 

 I was surprised by a ward family home evening that the ward had for me, where we all ate, shared and had a good time.

So all in all, it has been a great 18 months!

And safe to say, MY JOY IS FULL!

I know the Savior lives and loves us each so much. And I love all of you too! Thank you for all the continued love and support that I received each week as I have labored to do the work of the Lord. I can't wait to see all your beautiful, smiling faces in a few days! But until then: CHECKING OUT NOW!

Love,

Sister Matheny 

p.s. Have a great week!