Broken

Talk given in Sacrament meeting after my return home...

“Broken”

Before I served a mission, I don’t know if I was completely prepared for what was to come. In my head, I envisioned myself giving up 18 months—leaving behind friends, family, and everything else I have known—as I valiantly served the Lord and help others to receive the same blessings that I have grown up with. Little did I know that in serving a mission, I was actually giving up almost nothing next to all the blessings I received in return. And looking back, I am so thankful for the 18 months Heavenly Father blessed me with to grow, serve and experience the pure joy that comes from sharing the gospel. Sure, I might have showered with a bucket of cold water for the last 18 months, and I even got bit by a cockroach once, but I will forever be changed and grateful from the opportunity to serve a mission.

When I came home, I just remember feeling completely broken. It suddenly became much harder to do the things I KNOW I need to do: like read my scriptures each day and say meaningful prayers, since my schedule is nowhere near as structured as it used to be. As I was grieving over how much I miss the Philippines and the people there, I came across an old Journal entry from one of our Zone Conferences in the mission which reads: “Our goal in life is not to build ourselves up, but to break ourselves down until we have completely shattered the natural man within ourselves and can offer up the battered, broken self that we are up to our Heavenly Father and gradually be perfected through Christ. “

Christ was broken, His body torn for us, His blood shed for our sin: “And lo, he [suffered] temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer… [and] blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.” (Mosiah 3:7)

And why did He do this? “To answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit” (2 Nephi 2:7).

It is this breaking of our hearts that changes our very nature and makes us into the person God knows that we can become. We are sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, He loves us SOOO much. We are heirs to His kingdom and have the potential to become like Him some-day. It is in our very make-up. Our very being. And it happens in the process of breaking ourselves.

Now, I’m going to tie this all back into my topic for today: The Restoration. For the past 18 months, I have shared nothing but the message of the Restoration and the glorious blessings that it provides us with. For me, I also feel like The Restoration is the Perfect example of breaking something.

So, A little background about the Restoration: “We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church” which includes prophets and apostles.” We also believe that those prophets and apostles “must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who” have the proper priesthood authority.

Since the time of the first man on earth, Adam, God has called Prophets and Apostles to lead His people. Occasionally though, His people will rebel and reject His appointed prophets and teachings. This happened many times to the Nephites and other groups of God’s people in the scriptures. But no matter how many times His gospel was lost, and His prophets killed, God’s love for us will NEVER change and He will ALWAYS call another prophet when His people are prepared.

This happened time and time again (because God never changes) even until the time of Christ’s death and even after His resurrection. Unfortunately, however, when Christ suffered for our sins and died for us, His apostles were also killed one-by-one until His gospel had been completely lost from the world. This is called “The Great Apostasy” and ended up being the cause of the formation of many churches, none of which were God’s true church on the earth.

But as I said earlier, God Loves us each dearly, and He will NEVER desert us, no matter who we are or how broken we become. I know this is true because I saw it time and time again while serving His people in the Philippines.

I also know this is true because of the story of a young boy at 14, who also felt broken and lost in a world surrounded by conflicting doctrine, and beliefs. This boy’s name was Joseph Smith. I am so grateful to Him and the role he played in Restoring God’s true church and gospel to the earth again.

I am grateful that he took the time to read and ponder the scriptures, when many others simply skim over them. And that he ACTED on the answers he received after reading a simple verse in James 1:5 which reads “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” After reading this verse, he went to a quiet spot in the forest and praying to know which church was true.

As Joseph Smith was praying, he described his experience in his own words. Now, before I recite exactly what Joseph Smith saw, let me just say that I know many of you—if not all—have already heard this (which is why I am going to read it in Tagalog now, since I’m sure most of you haven’t heard that) and from the countless of times that I recited the first-vision in the Philippines, I learned that we will learn something new from it every time when we really listen what the spirit is trying to tell us.

“Ako ay nakakita ng isang haligi ng liwanag na tamang-tama sa tapat ng aking ulo, higit pa sa liwanag ng araw, na dahandahang bumaba hanggang sa ito ay pumalibot sa akin. Nang tumuon sa akin ang liwanag, nakakita ako ng dalawang Katauhan, na ang liwanag at kaluwalhatian ay hindi kayang maisalarawan, nakatayo sa hangin sa itaas ko. Ang isa sa kanila ay nagsalita sa akin, tinatawag ako sa aking pangalan, at nagsabi, itinuturo ang isa—Ito ang Aking Pinakamamahal na Anak. Pakinggan Siya!”

Joseph Smith stated that his “object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right” and upon asking, soon came to learn that he should join none of them, for they were all wrong.

It is at this point that Joseph Smith became a tool in the hands of the Lord in building up His kingdom on the earth today and blessing all of God’s children with the Restored gospel again on the earth. And I would like to testify, that I know we have a living prophet today, the priesthood keys have been restored and we have revelation such as the Book of Mormon and other words of living prophets to act as proof of this divine message.

This is the Restoration. It is true, and it is the perfect example of how God took something—His church in this case—that was broken, scattered, and “unfixable” as the world would call it and turned it into something more amazing and beautiful than anything we could ever image. In the breaking of His church during Christ’s time, it became something more, something bigger, and now, something worldwide. And I know, that this same change can happen in each one of us as we strive to offer our broken, battered selves to our Father in Heaven.

I know that is true because I saw the way God changed the lives—and more importantly—the very nature of the people I was so privileged to meet each and every day in the Philippines. I love these people with all my heart and was so privileged to feel a grain of the love that God has for each of them every day that I served with all my heart, might, mind and strength in bringing souls unto Christ. And I would like to share just a few of those miraculous changes of heart with all of you.

1.       FAITH

In my first area, I served in a tiny little town—called Goa—in the middle of nowhere. There, I learned what it means to pray, fast with all your heart, and have faith like that of Nephi.

        We were teaching a couple of Protestant Christians named Immanuel and Israel. They didn’t want to come to church because it conflicted with their church schedule, so when we ended up having a Family Home Evening at the house of one of our investigators who was soon to be baptized, I was quick to invite Israel to come along. His answer: “I’m not sure, I might be busy”.

So… I I decided to fast, pray and pray some more. After missing out on eating some super tasty-looking food at our district activity, I was really hoping that God would answer my prayer, only to be sorely disappointed when we got a text that he wouldn’t be able to make it because he had an interview that night. But I did not give up faith, and a few hours later, he texted that the interview had been moved to another night.

        Four or five more times, things kept coming up to prevent him from coming, but I kept praying. And fasting. And finally, he accompanied us to the Gonzales’s Family Home Evening! The spirit was SOOO strong, and I knew that God had answered my prayer. Time and time again, I learned that when we have great faith, we really can get answers to all our prayers—in the Lord’s own time and way.

2.       REPENTANCE

In my 3^rd area (iriga), we ended up doing a school event where we were able to go to different colleges and share about the gospel. From this experience, we ended up getting lots of referrals which we were encouraged by our mission President to contact quickly. One of those referral’s names was Joemel.

        Joemel is probably one of my favorite people that I met in the Philippines. Immediately when we started teaching him and his brother, they started progressing. They felt the spirit almost immediately, and made changes within 2 weeks to quit smoking, drinking and start reading the Book of Mormon and coming to church each week. Until one night, when we went to get them for an institute activity at the church, we saw Joemel drunk.

        After that, he started hiding from us. He thought we would judge him for relapsing and was scared to face us because of how we might see him. We did everything to try and earn back his trust. We wrote notes, sent texts and tried to tell him that it was okay… but he wouldn’t listen. Until finally, in a last and desperate attempt, we forced his brother to let us come over and pull weeds in their over-grown yard.

        The night after the service project, we went over, and I felt anticipation well up inside me. I was disappointed when at first, it seemed Joemel still didn’t want to face us, until unexpectedly, he popped op from around a counter to thank us for the service project. I immediately felt my heart bursting with joy and couldn’t hold back a huge smile. We had tried everything, and nothing had worked to earn back his trust and confidence in us EXCEPT through the pure love of Christ and service.

        After that, we made sure to teach him what repentance really IS. It is not just a process we go through when we mess up. Instead, it is something we do our whole lives. It is the turning of our own will to God as we strive to align our behavior with Him. It is the way that we change, and it the way that we break ourselves, allowing Heavenly Father to make us into what He wants us to become. And it is really hard.

        As I told Joemel: as we repent, we are bound to slip up or relapse sometimes. But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is how we react when we fall. Are we going to give-up? Or are we going to get up and keep repenting because I promise that we choose the later, our lives and hearts will change, and we will be filled with the indescribable joy which is Christ.

        Joemel, his brother and best friend were baptized a month later.

3.       BAPTISM AND THE HOLY GHOST

It was in my second area (NAGA) that I really learned the power that true conversion and baptism by one holding the proper authority can have on us. About a month into my time in Naga, we met the Balmes family. I remember the first day we taught them, they seemed so broken. Their father was an alcoholic, and they all cried over the unexpected death of their mother a few years before. Their conversion was not the smoothest, but as we taught them, we saw a change come over this family. They started smiling, the weight on their shoulders seemed to be lightened, and they were finally able to seek forgiveness and comfort through the gospel.

        I remember as we gave their father the practice interview for his upcoming baptism, he opened up that he felt that the death of his wife and four of his children was God’s way of punishing him for killing a man in self-defense almost 20 years before. He had been so broken and defeated by challenges almost all His life. But it was the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His atonement that finally allowed him to change.

        Through Christ, He was able to quit smoking, drinking, gambling and finally found peace and forgiveness for things he had done years before. He was baptized just months after the baptism of his oldest daughter. Within weeks of his baptism, he was also privileged with the opportunity to baptize his two remaining children, and now their family is preparing to be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. They now have hope. Hope that even though their mother and four siblings are gone, they can live together again one day as an eternal family.

4.       ENDURE TO THE END

As I started to feel the weight of months and months of walking and heat on the mission, I definitely had to put it into 4^th gear and push forward when I reached my 4^th and final area: Daet. There, I really saw the importance of Reading the Book of Mormon every. single. day. As we strive to endure to the end.

        We were teaching a family—the Orit family—who was also a referral that had come from a school event and after a couple months, it became apparent that even though they showed interest, we couldn’t continue to teach them, because they weren’t keeping the commitment to read the Book of Mormon. Sister Orit had so many questions! And it didn’t seem like anything we said helped.

        So finally, we offered to text her a verse of the Book of Mormon everyday so that if nothing else, AT LEAST she could read one verse a day. She agreed, so we started sending verses daily.

Two weeks before I was about to finish my mission, we were teaching the Orit family and I asked how they felt about baptism. I was surprised and shocked when Sister Orit said that she was ready, and even wanted to set an earlier baptismal date, so that I could be there. I asked her what had made her change so quickly? How did she know that being baptized was the right thing to do? Looking at me, she said “It was the Book of Mormon, I just can’t deny it is true”.

        The spirit was so strong after she said that, and teary-eyed we set her baptismal date for my last Saturday as a full-time missionary.

        I know that there is NOTHING I could have said to convince her or anyone else that this Church is true. And I am so lucky that I don’t have to, because the Book of Mormon stands as proof itself. It is the most powerful book in the world, with the power to take broken, battered souls (like Sister Orit) and make them whole.

To me, it is amazing how God can just take all the broken pieces of a person’s life and build it back up into something amazing. That is what the Restoration was all about and that is what God wants to do with each of us. It’s like a pitcher. How much water can we fit in a big pitcher? Probably a lot! In fact, if we have a big pitcher we will probably think “that’s just fine. I have the water I need!”

That pitcher is like us. Sometimes we feel like we are doing pretty good. We are a nice pitcher and feel we have all the blessings we need.

But here’s the real question: “how much water can fit in a shattered pitcher?” That, I cannot answer, because it is limitless! You could fit all the water in the world and then some in a broken pitcher because there are no limits, no boundaries. Just as there are limits or boundaries to us and what we can become when we are broken. When we are battered. And when we give those broken, battered pieces to Christ.

I think that is the final thing I am learning as I come home from the best mission in the world. I am broken, it has been so hard. But I know that is a good thing. That is the way we change, we grow. So, as I always said to new challenges on the mission: bring it on! And then pray… a lot. And we can do it. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.